Random short post about beginnings of finding my way to be Jewish

There’s lots of ways to be Jewish. For me, I like trying out different practices, different groups, different traditions, and seeing which feels right to where I am at that time. As I was brought up entirely secular, this has been a journey of my “adulthood”.

I began exploring my Jewish heritage when I was in my early twenties. But quickly I found the initial communities welcoming, but simultaneously keen to promote a politic that I disagreed with. I think its that those subsections of Judaism most keen to bring lapsed members back into the fold, the most “evangelical” that I have come across are, like their Christian equivalents, very socially conservative. So I felt awkward and like I had to hold back my views, because after all I felt grateful for how they were giving me so much for example helping me learn Hebrew, inviting me for Friday night dinners and getting Chanukah candles for me. But I felt bad anyway, because without saying anything to the contrary, it was assumed that I agreed with them on the role of women, anti choice, homophobia and most of all zionism. So I was deceiving my hosts by not saying anything, but I felt socially pressured to not speak up. And anyway, this was something I was doing away from politics. I have to argue with people all the time normally, and tbh I hate it. I hate debating. It gets me anxious even at the early stages. So doing this in a space that I felt was nurturing my soul, that gave me a hard-to-describe peace and spirituality would have ruined the experience for me. So I pulled away from that.

Anyway, I actually mean to write a review of my high holidays so far, so I’m gonna post this up as it is so far, and start a whole new post instead! I’ll make sure I start that from a bit more recently so I don’t go off on a tangent and lose my way again!