Talking is tiring! Being around people can still be good and needed though…

sometimes I just want to be around folk, but without having to talk with them, as that’s tiring. but especially with people I don’t know very well, or outgoing friends, I feel I need to “perform”. I feel like I’ll be considered unfriendly if I don’t converse. but I need time in my own thoughts and I’m mostly happy and content in my own head. I need to process what’s going on both to work it out, and because figuring stuff out and learning from experiences is so fulfilling for me. even just something you might consider mundane I can find interesting and something I want to think about and figure how it works with other bits of things I’ve thought about before. but talking takes me away from that. instead of figuring stuff out I have to set my energy and brain into trying to negotiate social interaction. this requires constant checking I’m using the right set of rules / filters that I’ve learned from observing previous encounters within relevant social circles. and monitoring the actual conversation and a huge set of other things that I’ve learned over the years as crucial to “passing” as a reasonable social being. and it’s exhausting! and can be so goddamned unenlightening – just another interaction where I’m dragged out of my own thoughts so we can say things to each other that just reinforce whatever social context I’m in. and afterwards I’m going to feel drained from having to spend so much energy talking. sometimes I just want to be around folk, sharing an experience or activity, but allowed to be in my own head and just each of us talking if/when we have something to say, rather than just to fill the silence with energy and time thieving conversation.