Sex work as a choice people make in trying to survive capitalism within a sexist, cissexist, racist society.

I would have to think hard to count how many of my friends either do now, or have done, at some point done sex work. and almost all of them are nervous about letting people know because of how judgemental folks attitudes towards their mode of surviving capitalism, sexism, cissexism[0], racism and other intersectional[1] oppressions are. there’s so much shame around it :( so much whorephobia. stereotypes of sex workers as naive, immoral, vapid, stupid, vulnerable, unable to make decisions about their own bodies. as if every person surviving capitalism doesn’t have to make hard choices and compromises about what they do with their time, energy, mind and body in order to pay their rent and bills. and for many this is literally the best choice for them. does the person cleaning toilets get same judgements?

I felt it strongly around the comments about that ukip leader’s racist girlfriend. so many of the articles and comments seemed to centre, and be titilated, that she worked as a glamour model. because that brought in people’s prejudices and stereotypes. here’s an easy exercise – be honest with yourself, and imagine a glamour model or other sex worker. think about what you think they are like, what their background is, education level, interests, knowledge of current affairs and politics. their sexuality and how (outside of work) consent to sex would be likely for them.

now know me. think about what qualities you think i value in friends. and take i have upwards of 30-50 friends who i know to do sex work now or in the past. there is huge variety in the sex work my friends do, but a lot of it is that most stigmatised as “street prostitution”[2] and it definitely includes “models”.

and all these interesting, smart, wise, clued up people who are my friends have taken the decision that for them sex work is the best way to survive capitalism and all the intersectional[1] oppressions.

i mean i wipe people’s bottoms for a living – does that seem any better? ;p

To survive in capitalism means having to have some level of income. And we all make compromises about what we do with our time, bodies and brains in order to get that income. None of us would keep working in the way we do if we got a windfall. We’d probably still want to do something meaningful, and maybe that would mean volunteering somewhere. But it would be different to what we do for work right now. Because we are forced at some level to do that work because we need to pay the bills. We make a choice (ideally) from within what society offers us in the way of work. Many of us have multiple options, and from within that we choose based on the payoff (wages) vs the hours, arduousness, how interesting the work is, how much it fits in with the rest of our life etc etc. For some people the best choice for them is sex work. That gives them the best payoff, and they maintain some degree of freedom and ability to control how and when they work. They are choosing between all the work options they personally have and deciding that sex work is the best out of those options.

Think that sex work is degrading? First off, why? Is sex innately degrading to those on receiving end (ie mostly women or men who “bottom” for other men)? And anyway lots of people’s jobs involve tasks society has deemed degrading. What about cleaning other people’s toilets? Or the way service sector workers are treated?

Feel that nobody would choose sex work as it is dangerous and harmful to sex workers? In that case why would anyone ever choose to work in “forestry, farming and fishing” which has highest incidence of workplace injuries in uk[3]?

Sex workers must be stupid? Brooke Magnanti (Belle de Jour) is an easy counter example[4] as someone who started in sex work to support themselves through their PhD. Or countless of my friends. Again, who do you think I have as friends? There are countless sex workers within that population.

What all of the people I know who are sex workers have in common is that none of them are white, cis, middle class men. Almost everyone I know who is a white, cis, middle class man has a reasonably paid job that he chose to do from amongst many *career* options. And note that even the fact that he got to have a career is notable – that implies some level of interest. Do you think your supermarket checkout assistant chose that because they’re super fascinated by the price of groceries? How many middle class, white, cis men do you see cleaning toilets or stacking shelves for their working lives?

Can you accept that because of how intersectional oppressions operate within our current society, many people don’t have huge numbers of awesome, tempting job options to choose from? And within that, sex work might actually be the best choice for them?

So given all that, can you become aware of your prejudices about sex workers? About who they are and what they’re like? And then think about how that prejudice, if unexamined and unchallenged, might spill out into comments you might make about sex workers. And then how this could project shame and judgement onto sex workers, when actually they’ve just found the best way they know to survive within capitalism and a sexist, racist, cissexist society.

 

[0] how society is set up to take the gender of those who are not trans (ie you, if you’re not trans) as more real and valid than a trans person. and therefore all the shit that trans people have to go through. its similar to how sexism treats all women.

[1] intersectionality is how one person is affected by all the different oppressions within society – class, racism, sexism etc. so for some oppression they might be privileged, but they might be oppressed by another one. for example a working class, white, man who uses a wheelchair is oppressed because he’s working class and disabled, but is still better than a black woman in the exact same situation. but worse off than a middle class man in a wheelchair.

[2] though mostly they don’t do it on the streets anymore due to how the internet has changed how sex workers meet their clients

[3] http://www.hse.gov.uk/statistics/industry/

[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belle_de_Jour_(writer)#Career

For the men re #metoo – learn about, discuss, and model good consent

Seen lots of posts from men saying yes they want to be good allies to women and trans people re #metoo but don’t know what to do. Maybe something men could do is to learn about, discuss and model good consent?

For the past few years I’ve made a habit of making the first move – I realised that if I didn’t the only lovers I would have, out of the total pool of “we find each other mutually attractive” would be the ones that were also confident enough to make the first move and knew that I was interested. Even as someone who’s not particularly attractive, its been going super well. Of course I get rejections – but I take them as a positive – that means that people feel safe to say no to me. And there’s not been a single instance where a yes or a no has damaged our friendship.

In wanting to be more confident in making the first move I was also very concerned that nobody would feel harassed in any way by me.* Also it is super important that whoever I am engaging in shenanigans with actively wants it too. So instead of asking “Can I kiss you?” I ask some version of “Would you like a kiss?” For me as someone socialised as a girl/woman in this society I will say yes unless there is a clear reason for me not to. My desire is secondary to someone else’s. If you’re in my house and you ask if you can do something (eg smoke), I would have equally found it challenging to say no! You’re a guest! Of course you can do that. If you ask me instead “Would you like me to smoke in your house or would you rather I went outside?”, then my brain will actually think that through and I will admit that yes, I’d rather you went outside. The first option would have led me to just suck up the discomfort and let you smoke and deal with the nasty smell afterwards.

So since I thought about this I resolved that I would always ask someone if they wanted physical intimacy with me, not just if I can do it. And its actually quite sexy to do this. I enjoy the buildup of physical tension and vocalising this just makes it feel hotter. Plus I can be reasonably confident that the interest is mutual.

Secondly, I want to make it clear to anyone I am interested in physically, that there are no repercussions for saying no, now or in the future. Our friendship does not require my access to your body. If at any point you’re not in the mood for shenanigans, or want cuddles and kissing but no below waist interaction, or whatever, that is all fine. You will not face any physical or emotional pressure from me. Your body autonomy is important. I want whoever I am with to want me too. I have had all the shitty ways that men are socialised to respond to rejection. The sudden lack of interest in friendship. The moody responses. I’ve been yelled at and physically assaulted. I refuse to do this to anyone else, and I want them to know that their “no” has no repercussions.

Thirdly, I will not have any physically intimate interactions with someone who is in any way compromised in their ability to consent. This could be because of a power differential. But most often because they are not sober. If you have had alcohol, weed or any other drug to the point where you are more likely to have sex than when sober, than I would be taking advantage of you to go along with that. I’ve seen men circle around drunk women like moths round a flickering flame – and this is purely because they know she is more likely to agree to sex with them at this time. That’s not active consent, that’s gross. I would rather wait til you are sober and know that you have actively, mindfully, desired to become intimate with me. Having had someone get me stoned and then have sex with me (we hadn’t even kissed before) when I was too high to talk means I will always be super careful with other people around substances.

Also relevant is the context for making an advance. I will endeavour that you will always have an easy out. That you won’t feel reliant on my continuing good will for a place to sleep, or introductions into social circles etc. That I will explicitly say that my good will does not require you being interested in intimacy with me.

Fourthly, I will be honest with you about me. You will know I am non monogamous and my sexual health status, such as when I was most recently tested. In terms of the former, it is important to me that you make an informed decision to have sex with me, and don’t assume that this means we will have, ever, an exclusive monogamous relationship. We will also have a discussion about safer sex, and we will go with the highest common denominator – you want barriers for everything, fine.

***

But its one thing me doing (or aspiring) to do all this in private. I know from personal experience that many people do not have this base level of consent practice. And what I’ve developed as my personal ethical standards around this has mostly been because of fuckups – my own or other peoples. We just don’t get taught what consent really means. We don’t talk about it or share our own practices.

One thing I really appreciate in the polyamory community is that there is a lot of modelling of safer sex practices. Regular testing and communication of results and risks is normal and expected. I don’t even think twice about bringing sexual health up with other people because I’m so used to it being a regular conversation.

I want the same around consent. I especially want men to be talking to each other about it. It might feel awkward, but you all say you want to do something in response to #metoo, and that might involve some initial discomfort. But I’m betting there is a lot of lack of knowledge and awareness. Nobody wants to admit to ignorance. “of course I always get consent” – because the alternative, in our binary world, is that you are a rapist. Well this thinking helps no-one. It stops people being able to ask questions, express doubts and concerns, work through scenarios, develop nuanced ethics.

So that’s my personal response to the many men who are asking “what can we do to help?” – educate yourself, think deeply and discuss with other men what good consent really means. I’m definitely not saying that my personally developed standards are the best in the world. I’m just trying to practice what I’m preaching and open up conversations about what good consent should mean.

 

* When I was a teenager I did not do this. I barely even asked for consent. At least one person I had sexual intimacy with, whilst she didn’t say no, I later found out did not want more than kissing with me. When, years later, I found this out I was obviously super shooken up and hence have put a lot of thought into ensuring I don’t make same mistake again.

#TravelLikeAWoman #viajosola #ITravelAlone

I used to find it intimidating. I still sometimes do, despite myself. I feel like a fraud despite uncountable hiking and wild camping trips in Scotland, despite travelling alone in Europe, Africa, Middle East and India, despite cycling from Land’s End to John o’Groats (LEJOG). But I still feel an impostor when amongst “real” travellers. I feel like I don’t have the lingo. The nous. The gear. The muscles. The gender.

The incorrectness of the last is both internalised and externalised. I didn’t realise how much I’d internalised it until just over a year ago when a friend, female and even shorter than me, casually mentioned she’d cycled LEJOG and I delightedly burst out with “but if you could do it, then so could I!” It being a journey I’d long loved to do, though hadn’t decided on the means (walking or cycling jostling for the top) but had somehow internalised as being beyond me. I hadn’t even realised til that point that I imagined such a feat requiring a large, muscular male frame. Wow we really will be digging through our oppressive thought patterns forever. I’ve been a feminist for over 20 years and yet that nugget was somehow buried in there! Anyway, tl;dr last Septembere I got me, my bike and my camping gear 1200 miles (we took a circuitous route) and had an amazing adventure.

Whenever I mention (especially at work, where the majority of my encounters with “mainstream” views happen) that I have/am planning to backpack alone in India I hear shock, surprise and often also disapproval, specifically because I am female. “aren’t you afraid?” “isn’t that dangerous, a woman on your own?” “haven’t you got anyone you could go with?” “i would never do that” etc. This was echoed in the mainstream media recently after two women were killed in Ecuador. But really, being female is dangerous everywhere. In fact, our biggest risk is when we’re with someone we already know. I have been assaulted in a variety of situations, both whilst travelling and with those I thought cared about me. Staying at home isn’t going to save me, but it is going to ruin my life in other ways!

I’ve always wanted to travel. Always been fascinated by globes and maps. ‘Around the world in 80 days’ was my favourite cartoon. ‘My side of the mountain‘, a favourite book. And that has never gone away. Never do I feel as profoundly content as when I’m on the road. Whether it be hiking a trail and waking up in my tent in the mountains, or a multi day train across India, or the only non local in the back of some shared truck in Africa, or wondering where the next lift will take me as I thumb a ride in Europe, I feel that bliss. Most especially when travelling alone.

So what, I shouldn’t do that because I was born with (probably) XX chromosomes? You want me to wait til I come back with a cis-male body? Because otherwise I’m risking my life?

Well here’s a thing buddy. I might be risking my life if I go, but I’m definitely risking it if I don’t. Because that’s what gives my life meaning, fulfilment and happiness. And what’s the point in protecting a life that’s no longer worth living? Seems to be defeating the purpose if I coset myself so much that there’s no me left? Like if you had a piece of jewellery that you value too much to ever wear? A cake that was too delicious to eat and so went stale? A pair of walking boots that you viewed as too expensive to get muddy?

But the thing is, that if girls and women never see people like them travelling alone, maybe they too will internalise, like I did, that this isn’t for them. That, if they have such dreams and yearnings, they must forsake them. So I’m going to try to start adding to all the other non cis-male travellers who have started telling their own stories. I’m going to try to write about what it means to me to travel alone. How incredible and whilst sometimes scary, also empowering, fascinating, exciting, mind blowing and wonderful have been my solo trips. The women I’ve met along the way (who express that they wouldn’t talk to a male traveller). The adventures I’ve had. The places I’ve danced, walked, jumped, clambered, swam and journeyed through.

Like any traveller, we take sensible precautions. We develop a sense of safety and what is a worthwhile risk, or not. But that to me is key. A worthwhile risk is one we do because what we gain is worth the possibility of something bad happening. And whilst there is no way to be safe within a sexist globe full of gender based violence, travelling on your own is an awesome way to live your life, and not just possible, but fabulous to do as a woman.

Does your partner sometimes scare you? (TRIGGER WARNING : domestic abuse)

 

[ How to read webpages without it being very easy for someone else to see what you’ve been looking at. ]

 

Bride beaten by new husband on their wedding night because he couldn’t get her dress off

Divorce: Amy has now filed to separate from Gavin

Back in August, Amy was brutally assaulted by her new husband after he refused to take her advice on how to take off her wedding dress. Subsequently he’s got a pathetic community order and she’s filed for divorce and has moved on.

I stumbled across this story but something really stuck out to me :

In talking about their wedding day she states “It was a huge celebration full of friends and family, and I thought it would have been the fresh start we needed.” Fresh start … that seems an odd way to describe a celebration of finding a life partner. So why did they need this fresh start? Turns out that initially “[h]e was caring and loving, and when we found we were having baby, we were delighted.” But then she got pregnant and “almost straight away, Gavin became controlling and manipulative. It was like walking on eggshells.”

A midwife friend told me that pregnancy is a very common time for a relationship to begin to get abusive. I don’t know why, though I guess maybe its the increased vulnerability of the pregnant person that gives the abusive partner a feeling of safety in letting loose with their arseholery, feeling that now their pregnant partner is less able to do anything about it.

How do you know if your relationship is on the abusive spectrum? Here’s a list of some of the signs of abuse. If folks reading this have any additional thoughts or resources, maybe you could add them as a comment to this post?

Partner abuse is prevalent in all types of relationships, gay or straight, polyamorous or monogamous, vanilla or kinky, and with partners who might profess leftwing or feminist views. I’ve seen so many friends and acquaintances survive abusive relationships, and often before I knew, the relationship seemed perfectly normal from the outside. So, if I know you, and you have any feelings that your relationship is in any way abusive, please know that if you feel able to confide in me, I will take your words at face value. Even if I am friends with your partner, and they have always been super nice to me, I know that people act differently in different contexts and with different people. Please feel free to tell me that you need to talk with me about something and we can arrange a safe time and place to do that.

I’m aware that its easy to sit on the sidelines and observe a relationship that is abusive, but that part of the trap is to belittle and undermine you until the abuse is normalised into behaviour that you might even feel is what you deserve. Like Amy, maybe you feel that your partner will change. And maybe they will. But in the meantime maybe you should try talking it over with a helpline?

Are you worried about someone you know? I like these resources: love is respect which even includes a section at the bottom for if your friend is the one that’s being abusive and a surprise entry from Glamour magazine “The Exact Words That Could Help a Friend in an Abusive Relationship”

Big love to everyone out there. x

My input on sex work and queer issues during last night’s #LSEanarchism panel

Hey. This feels a bit weird/egotistical to write, as I don’t feel I’m the best at speaking and especially not writing (I’m not just being modest – there are things I kickass at! ;p ) and I’ve not come up with anything groundbreaking. I felt compelled to speak last night at LSE’s discussion on “Anarchism and Sexuality” because the panelists gave really interesting talks on historical Anarchists perspectives on sexuality, but a lot of views, particularly around sex work (looking at you Mujeres Libras!) are very dated and oppressive. Also questions came up around what contemporary Anarchists thought about campaigns for same sex marriage. Anyway, I gave a kind of nervous rant but folks seemed to like it and as the majority of those there last night (as least who spoke from the audience and who I spoke to afterwards) aren’t Anarchists and are interested in Anarchist ideas, I’m just writing roughly what I said.

On sex work, as was said during the talks, as Anarchists we believe struggles should be led by those affected, and so we have learned, especially from the sex workers within our own movements, that sex work is work, and not a unique case where “prostitutes” must be rescued from their degradation.

All work is degrading under capitalism. Why single out sex work, and ignore call centre workers, or those working in McDonalds or sweat shops? Under capitalism nobody really has freedom of choice, and our working conditions and the way we are treated is degrading. Those with truly socially important roles such as cleaning or care-work are looked down upon and undervalued.

Patriarchal views on sex are that, in hetero relations, the man (or top during same gender pairings) gains something, whilst the woman (or “bottom”) loses. This sexist garbage really colours social outlooks on sex work – whore shaming and rapes/other violent assaults on sex workers are the inevitable result. How much of our perception that sex work is inherently degrading comes from this? Do we view female sex workers, or rentboys in the same way as we think of gigolos? And there’s the ongoing double standard regarding males and females and the acceptability of casual sex.

To learn more I strongly recommend the Sex Workers Open University

The other thing I wanted to talk about was Anarchism and queer politics. We critique mainstream LGBTq obsessions with the pink pound and same-sex marriage as in large part being about sanitising queerness – “don’t be afraid, we’re not going to change social norms – we just want to be consumers and get married like the rest of you!” Apart from how this privileges certain LGTBTq folks over others – those who have money to spend and those who want monogamous relationships – its also irrelevant. Basic Anarchist principles are that you are free to do what you like, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. Why should we try to gain the acceptance of some mythical mainstream, when what we are doing doesn’t affect anyone else? Homophobia is not wrong because “look, we’re just like you”. We fight for freedom for all to live and love as they wish, straight or queer, monogamous or poly, kinky or vanilla, asexual, aromantic or celibate. As the panelists mentioned often same-sex marriage campaigns are driven even by those critical of bringing the state into the bedroom, because of how access to housing, pensions and insurance are dependent on marriage certificates – whereas actually housing etc should be available to all.

I think there’s another reason people, even Anarchists, choose to get married, and that’s as a marker of a life event. Celebrating stages in life, “hatches, matches and dispatches”, coming of age, and the changing seasons and years are meaningful to people. But the default ways of socially recognise such events, particularly important romantic/sexual relationships, is through a legal or religious marriage. Instead of criticising those who go down that route, we should find new ways of celebrating life events. We should evolve and create our own rituals and commemorations that recognise and honour relationships, rather than just the default of a state sanctioned wedding.

Anyway, that was pretty much what I said last night, I think. Afterwards folks wanted to know what groups I was involved with, where I’d learned so much and who was the “we” I referred to. The easy answer is that I’m in the Anarchist Federation, and in both the gender oppressed (women, trans*, nonbinary and anyone else who feels oppressed because of gender) and queer caucuses within that. But that’s just the formal answer. The real answer is that I have learned from living my life, and from doing so within communities that are also just getting on and doing it, trying things out, reflecting, chatting, listening and supporting. I guess I’m really lucky. We have formal meetings and discussions, but we also have long informal times, for example during the 7 month Free Hetherington occupation, or just whilst socialising with friends, and I feel that these are the most constructive. In a meeting, or worse at a “debate”, the goal is to win people over and sell a particular viewpoint. That doesn’t lead (imo) to learning or creating new ideas or philosophies together. For instance often we learn because of our fuckups – and its hard to share and collectively learn from those in a public meeting. Or getting pulled up on our shit, which we all have from our ongoing socialisation in a patriarchal, white supremacist culture. In informal settings we can play with ideas. The shy people find their voices. Those who feel they’re too new to contribute, ask questions and share their opinions, and blow the minds of the wise elders!

One reason I felt sheepish speaking last night and writing this today is because nothing I’ve said is cutting edge in the communities I inhabit. So I guess that’s the most important insight perhaps from Anarchism on sexuality; by prefiguring the society we want to live in, we learn and grow and develop as individuals and communities far more than any amount of theorising or formal lessons can do. Direct action means those who are oppressed taking initiatives that change the immediate conditions of their oppression. By creating queer spaces and communities we challenge heteronormativity by trying out queer ways of being in safe environments – these can include pride marches or more confrontational taking of spaces such as queer occupations of sites of homophobia. We don’t try to appeal to the Daily Mail with exhortations of how we were just born this way so please don’t blame us, but instead we boldly state that yes we reject patriarchal, heteronormative gender roles and relations. That our bodies, sexualities and gender presentations are ours to do with what we will. I think in doing this we also offer liberation to those who might still choose heterosexual, monogamous, vanilla life partnerships because at least know that that is your choice, that you are not compelled to do so, but followed rather what suited you and your partner best, and actually had those awesome conversations with them, and made it explicit. Just like vanilla people can learn from kinky people about consent, and monogamous people can learn from polyamory about talking through boundaries and working through jealousy. In the end, in an ideal Anarchist society, none of this would be remarkable. There will be no “queer Anarchism” just like we have no need for “blond haired Anarchism” – without oppression there is no need to develop specific organising around identity and we can all get on with our awesomely diverse and meaningful lives together.

Interstellar – sexist, poorly made, though at least got to lol bad at its climax (SPOILERS)

The hero of the movie, and its human supporting actor

First spoiler – the people that from the start you think are going to get killed, do get killed, in the order that you think they will. Or at least that’s how it worked out for my flatmates and I. ymmv – I guess depending on how much credibility you give the film makers to start with.

The human characters were so unsympathetic and one dimensional caricatures that I didn’t care if they lived or not. Scratch that, at times I just wanted the whole sorry thing over so much I wanted them to just get on and die!

And the sexism. Omg, what was up with Brand (Anne Hathaway’s character)? What was even the point in her? Apart from to fuck up missions and to look up at Cooper with big adoring eyes and look after the embryos (coz obv that’s what chicks are good for, especially ones that have doctorates and are astronauts…) And not forgetting letting her emotions get in the way of her scientific reasoning. Thank goodness alpha male Cooper was there to put her right on track and rescue her (repeatedly)!

TARS being awesome

There was one redeeming character – I speak of course of the robot TARS. It alone brought my rating up from 1/10 to 3/10 I liked its physical manifestations, the humour and it almost brought in an interesting question regarding AIs as slaves, except that the film makers fluffed that at the last minute and anyway Star Trek did that better.

The climactic scenes showing the split with Murphy on earth and Cooper and gang were so terrible that I did manage to find humour in them. Like, the fire?! Yeah throw on some tension and maybe the audience will be so overwhelmed that they don’t notice how bad these scenes are? But even then, there was still nothing that exciting with the fire. The brother – does he have any emotional depth or feeling? Again – what is the point of him? And suddenly, inexplicably he’s hugging and trusting his sister and long gone father, just as the farm he’s poured so much effort into is up in flames and an uncertain future is facing his severely ill wife and surviving child?

But Cooper. Like a cowboy from an outdated Western, he’s a comic book hero. Of course he can do these crazy feats of flight, and save everyone repeatedly, and then sacrifice himself for the chick who cries tears as she finally realised she was supposed to be his all along, because he’s the alpha male, goddammit. Even the robot recognised Coop’s authority early on, and hence was addressing all its “FYI we’re about to crash” at him.

And Mann. I have to admit, that whole rolling around on the ice was another lol moment for me. Particularly the weird monologue he has with himself as he watches what he assumes is Coop’s death roll. I don’t think even the actor knew what he was supposed to do with that terrible dialogue, and so just deadpans it. But of course our Coop, partially blinded by the ammonia in the atmosphere from his cracked visor (whereas Mann’s was completely unscathed despite repeated cracks of glass on glass), found that his transmitter that Mann had thrown out onto the ice, was conveniently close by!

And Mann woke up from being in cryo in what, 5 seconds! I liked his reactions early on though. That was one of the few bits that had realism. Until they decided to comic book villain him, and then kill him off without Coop having to dirty his hands or make difficult decisions. TARS to the rescue again. Not sure what happened at that point to the preceding rules which seemed to be that humans could always override robot instructions… but then if we’re counting plot inconsistencies, we’ll be here a lot longer.

Murphy was, I suppose, meant to balance out Brand’s awfulness. Maybe if we’d had a bit more from her, if she’d shone in the film, apart from just it being commented on that she’d been super smart and solved the gravity equation, I’d have felt a bit more engaged by that bit of the narrative. It just felt a bit like it had been tacked on to justify the alpha male cowboy story tbh. She was mostly just onscreen to (quite rightly) bemoan that her sole remaining parent was abandoning her. And to be assistant to Michael Caine’s professor. Tagging on that suddenly she’d solved physics, but not giving us any exposure to that beyond fade shots of her at a blackboard backgrounded that whole arc, and so lost out on an opportunity to show the *only other female character in the whole blooming movie* being the true hero who saved humanity. She was edited down to nothing. Yes, of course it failed the Bechdel test – and no, I’m not going to count Murphy informing Brand her father had died – again, that seemed mostly because the female characters were burdened with all the emotional work. And that Murphy, though apparently being a genius physicist, even after at least a decade of being Caine’s assistant, hadn’t cottoned on that he’d already solved the equation and was bluffing.

I liked the worm hole being a sphere. And that bit was kinda pretty. I guess I’ll end on that positive. I wasn’t expecting a world altering movie, but I was expecting it to look nice and have decent special effects. I was mostly disappointed with that, but the worm hole bit was ok on those fronts. And TARS again. TARS was super cool.

3/10 – and most of that’s for the robot.

Reproductive rights globally – crackdowns on bodily autonomy -> inspiring, brave & creative feminist responses #AFem

This is from my notes at the excellent reproductive rights workshop at AFem 2014. The session was scheduled in for 3 hours, and I thought I’d attend for a bit, and then leave to go to one of the other workshops and discussions starting an hour later. As it turned out, I was getting so much out of it that I stayed to the end, and couldn’t believe how fast it went! This is a write up of notes I started taking as I listened to one after another of incredible speakers talking about the situation in their country, and what they were doing to challenge that. I didn’t manage to write most of it, as it was so in depth, and mostly I was just listening and absorbing and thinking. But here are my notes anyway :) They’re from a variety of speakers / contributors from the floor. In all I counted 9 countries represented; Poland, Ireland, Italy, Spain, Chile, Argentina, Brazil, France and UK. Notes are not necessarily in that order, and I didn’t write down the countries contributions were from most of the time. Errors are my own. If you see any, please comment so that I can make amendments.

Abortion contravenes ideas of women as natural mothers. It has been common for centuries but became problematised/criminalised in 19th century Europe. Due to colonialism, Victorian era attitudes on it then infected the rest of the world – there are still many countries using the 1861 “offences against a person” anti choice law.

There are about 40 million abortions globally a year. One in three women in UK will have an abortion at some point in their life. Half of all abortions around the world are unsafe, leading to 50 000 deaths per year. Richer women can often escape the worst of this, as they can pay or travel to places with better laws and resources.

There have been a number of international conventions that state that countries should make abortions legal and available, but these aren’t legally binding, purely symbolic.

No contraception method is 100%, and not everybody has the power to negotiate contraception.

In Spain right wing Christian organisations such as “Legions of Christ” and “Opus Dei” have a lot of power as also includes politicians and business people. (An Italian said this is true in her country too.) The church has a lot of say, for example in education where religion is a compulsory subject. The far right movement has made it acceptable to now say publicly sexist things about women’s place as mother, such as on businesswoman who urged that “fertile age women shouldn’t be hired”. That this is now part of public discourse further reinforces and gives confidence and credence to traditional, conservative views.

Even ostensibly public, non-religious schools are often controlled by Opus Dei behind the scenes. Also in private healthcare, the church is behind it. There were attempts this year to make abortion even more restrictive, but this was defeated. There is now a new movement of feminists mobilised “us and our grandmothers are feminists, but there was a whole generation missed”. They did lots of actions against the new law and are continuing to organise now.

There were other speakers now, including from the floor, but I didn’t make notes from them all :(

In Italy, 80% of gynaecologists and lots of nurses and anaesthetists are refusing to perform abortions, so that even though it is legal, it is very difficult to access. DIY, or otherwise unsafe, abortions are therefore common, with the woman often then presenting at A&E with profuse bleeding, and being recorded as a “spontaneous miscarriage”. 20 000 legal abortions are carried out per year, but about 40 000 are refused due to “conscientious objection”. There are 75000 recorded “miscarriages” – 1/3 of which are probably unsafe abortions. Miscarriage rates have dramatically increased since the 1980s, particularly in minors. Conscientious objectors are becoming more common, especially in the south, and they say that if they do carry out abortions they face discrimination at work.

missed out a load more of the interventions here as was just listening.

In Chile abortion has been illegal since 1989 (was one of Pinochet’s final acts as dictator) – prior to this it was legal to save the women’s life. In 2008 there were moves to criminalise the morning after pill (MAP). This led to a wave of activism and upswing in feminism – older feminists from the time of the dictatorship together with new/younger ones. They took direct action, distributing leaflets and posters with info on how to make the MAP from a certain combination of contraceptive pills, which were available. Those who had been baptised as children made a public “aposte” where they renounced religion. A hotline and solidarity network were set up to provide support and advise to those seeking abortions, and put them in touch with doctors who would perform abortions. Despite it being illegal, “just” 300 people – those both performing and receiving abortions – have been imprisoned and most people get away with it. There were also legal challenges against the new law. There was public outcry after and 11 year old who was raped by her step father was forced to have the baby.

Speaking of I.M.E.L.D.A. (Ireland Making England the Legal Destination for Abortion) do awesome performance activism, as abortion is illegal in Ireland. Their current campaign, “Knickers for Choice“, asks folks to post pictures of knickers in iconic places with pro choice messages. Taking something private, such as our smalls, and making them public echoes what the government has done to women’s bodies. Someone else suggested that if you’re holidaying in Ireland, its worth just casually asking in a shocked voice “is it true that abortion is still illegal here?” to denormalise it in shops etc.

USA style clinic harrassment is now happening in UK, financed by groups in the states. “Abort 67” are active in Brighton and abortion clinic pickets are happening in London and Manchester and probably other places too. The clinics themselves have requested that there should not be counter pickets to these as it just makes more of an unpleasant scene for those trying to access the services.

In Brazil abortion is also illegal. Also in Argentina. In France there are difficulties with access.

Need to act now in UK, to prepare for the attacks that will come. The right is already on the move.

Abortion Support Network is set up to assist Irish women travel to mainland Britain for abortions. They are the sticking plaster responding to the urgent need, but it is vital to address the cause of this, and get the law changed in ROI and provision in NI.

A video was made about Irish women and for many it was their first time speaking to *anyone* about the fact they’d had an abortion. Common to feel shame, fear and even personal opposition to abortion, even though they’ve had one. Its difficult for women in UK to admit they’ve had an abortion; in Ireland its even just to say they know someone who’s had one.

Resources :

https://www.womenonweb.org/

http://womenhelp.org/

Typing practice – on contraception

So, I’ve been a one finger typist forever. I’m really fast though, so was really hard to force myself to touch type, as even though I know it will be better in the end, I’ve had too much time pressure during eg my degree or masters to force myself to do it. However I decided to finally force myself to about a month ago. I’m now averaging 35wpm. Which is not bad, but still way slower than I am with one finger. So in an effort to bring it up to something reasonable before my diploma (in tropical nursing) starts in September, I’m going to be practising daily. So I decided to restart my blog. This means any of you following it, are going to be subjected to a lot more posts than before, and more random stuff. I am literally/literarily going to be writing whatever’s on my mind for at least half an hour a day. You’ve been warned! I’m going to be ranting on whatever, with the primary goal of it keeping my fingers tapping, no matter the quality or how researched or well read or thoughful I am on a topic. It will, therefore likely be very egocentric and all about me, as that is easiest to spraff on about without worrying about misrepresenting situations or people.

Today I’m going to start with contraception. I went for an appointment today to start process of getting sterilised.

Privilege, oppression and guilt

I wrote this as a followup to my previous post about the privilege of travelling as a reply to those sweet souls of you who told me not to feel guilty. :)

I don’t feel guilty or defensive about the privileges I have, such as being white, English and able bodied. And nor should you about yours. The point is to be aware of them, to avoid using them to trample on others and to seek to challenge the systems that uphold them whenever we can.

Understand that life is easier for us because of them and that that is normally invisible to us. That someone without our privileges has to work harder to achieve the same things and that if, instead they are in a poorer situation than us, it is likely because of how society benefits us rather than anything innately better or worse about either of us.

Don’t feel guilty just because society has been structured by others with our privileges to benefit those like us – we did not make those systems of oppression and they are beyond our individual power to defeat single handedly. Feel guilty only if and when you use your privilege to harm someone without it. And even then just feeling guilty is missing the point. We are all human, and therefore perfectly imperfect and constantly able and needing to grow and learn and develop and improve ourselves. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with a child that hurts someone else because they didn’t yet know better. Apologise to the person you’ve done wrong to, without needing or expecting necessarily their forgiveness – they’ve likely had this happen way too many times before so don’t make this about you needing absolution from them. Making them relate to you is part of the self importance of privilege. Teach yourself about how that particular system of oppression functions. Become aware how you might benefit from it in a range of situations so that you can become better at avoiding trampling over someone next time. For example if you have male privilege, be aware that your voice will be listened to above a female voice, and that you have been socialised to dominate conversations whilst females have been socialised to yield and make space.

Lastly, and most importantly, though we are not at fault (unless you are!!) for bringing about systems of oppression, we should never collude in their maintenance. As a white person I should never (unless it would be dangerous) be silent in the face of racism but should always challenge it. Having the freedom and power that privilege has given me means I have the responsibility to do whatever is within my means to oppose the oppression of others, but always taking my lead from them rather than furthering their oppression by using my privilege to take a lead in their struggle!!

Privilege and oppression are complex systems, developed and maintained through millions of interactions, “common sense” ideas and official laws and processes. We all benefit from some systems of oppression (eg I am white) and are oppressed by others (eg I am female). Because we are social animals we have evolved to quickly absorb and learn the rules and dynamics of whatever society we are born into so that we can negotiate our life in it. This means the systems and rules within whatever society we are brought up in are normally invisible and neutral to us unless we put effort into understanding them. But they are not our fault, and learning about our privileges is not to beat ourselves up about them. Do not abuse your privilege. Do not use them to take advantage of others. Do not maintain or build systems of oppression by colluding with them. Be part of beautiful, vibrant human endeavours to live in a world free of oppression.

Do I deserve to be travelling? Hard work or privilege?

I’m in India! Travelling through this beautiful sub continent for just over 2 more months. And its amazing. So interesting, challenging, fun, frustrating, intriguing, irritating, luxurious, uncomfortable … Really its constant intense experiences and interactions except when its a long boring wait for a bus, someone to do something they said they would etc. And its warm and the sky is blue and I can be outside and walking and seeing things and it’s January and if I were in glasgow it would be dark, cold, wet with icey pavements trapping me indoors. But I made this trip instead. Well, sort of.

So I’ve been planning this trip for about a year. There was a lot to organise and I had to work 2-3 extra shifts every week for months and months to save up to pay for it. I found this hard and tiring as I’m a bank nurse so I’m working in different wards all the time, meaning each shift is more challenging as I’m having to hit fresh ground running each day. And I guess that’s what friends and family and people I met through work meant when, as the departure date was approaching, they (you!) told me I deserved the trip.

But now I’m here, and I’ve met a fair few Indian nurses, and I know that yes I worked to come but it was much easier for me to save up to come to India than it would be for them to do it the other way round.

I was born white, middle class with a South East of England accent. This makes it easier to get taken seriously, for example in uni or job interviews. I am given the benefit of the doubt more than I would if I had a working class accent or wasn’t white. In general interactions with strangers are empowering as I am assumed, because of my social markers, to be more intelligent, respectable and trustworthy than average. This leads to me feeling more confident and less hesitant as I’m constantly getting messages from those around me that I am competent. This confidence in turn spirals upwards as I am then given ever more credibility.

Being female does detract a bit from this – I can’t begin to count how many times this has happened, but minimum of once a month it is wrongly assumed that a male nearby has more technical experience or knowledge than me. And of course that usual female experience of being talked over by men, and being expected to yield in interactions. This does damage my confidence and willingness to speak but as I said, in other ways I am privileged*.

I was born with an intelligent brain and a reasonably healthy body – I am very short sighted, clumsy, short and have rosacea but I’m definitely at the able bodied end of the spectrum, especially as I live in a time and place where I can get glasses! I’d have been much more disabled otherwise! Being smart and healthy and able bodied has allowed me to work and to travel – India would be about impossible for a wheelchair user, or someone with a compromised immune system. Working to save up, and the trip itself, would have also been incredibly challenging if I had chronic pain, poor mental health etc etc.

Being female does make travel more dangerous due to sexism and rape culture** but my other privileges protect me from much of that – eg being black would mean I was seen as less credible and therefore would be an easier target for a sexual predator. Being older as a female makes me less desirable in this society so I am less harassed and sexually assaulted now than when I travelled in my twenties. If I were transgender (rather than just androgynous and genderfluid) travel in many places would again be much more dangerous and there would be a constant fear of being discovered and in what brutal way I might be punished for not conforming to societal gender norms.

Another massive privilege I was born with is geographical. I have a passport from a white, high income country meaning I can get tourist visas more easily as it is not assumed that I am secretly an economic migrant (though actually specifically for India having a UK passport makes obtaining a visa much more expensive, though still cheaper than for an Indian to obtain a UK visa) Crucially, though I’m not high earning in UK terms (I make roughly £1400 a month when working full time), because the UK is near the top of the economic food chain and has a history of imperialism leading to wealth, I was able to save enough to live and travel in India for 4 months, in a way not accessible for the average Indian to do in reverse. So just by the luck of being born in the UK I have life choices in much of the rest of the world.

But this trip was definitely not handed to me on a plate. It was hard work to save up to come and to organise my life to enable that, by minimising expenditure and commitments. I could have not fought inertia, and then I’d still be in Glasgow now.

So do I deserve this? Was I able to come on this amazing trip of a lifetime to India because of my hard work or because I am so privileged by society?

Why yes. ;)

* the idea that everybody is privileged and oppressed in different ways by different axis (eg race, gender, class) is called intersectionality.

** rape culture is the commonly accepted ideas, systems, language etc that encourage and enable sexual assaults. This includes sexual objectification of women so that they are dehumanised and seen as things to prey on for sex rather than people with desires of their own and the right to their own bodily autonomy. Also ideas that females should be modest and have specific proven, displayed virtues (be it clothing, alcohol consumption, being out on their own at night, being a sex worker etc) or that otherwise anything that happens to them is their own fault and the actual perpetrators are let off the hook.